on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
