moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
