I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
