8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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