The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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