Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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