hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
