we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Let's paint friendship bongs
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
