My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
please come you make the beer taste better
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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