i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
