I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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