I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
