I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
