I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
