no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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