Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We have so much sex to catch up on
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
