my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
