I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
