did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
