I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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