I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
