I just cut my nipple shaving
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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