eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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