My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Everything about him screamed your future.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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