i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
