id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
