She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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