just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We have so much sex to catch up on
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
