Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
