I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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