U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Drunk is not a location!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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