I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
