i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
