new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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