If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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