I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
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