somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
