this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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