after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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