genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
