On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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