Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
