God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
