There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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