Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize