He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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