you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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