I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
