apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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