do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
