White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
