watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
