the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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