I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
