Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
