yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
