If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
