i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
