Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
