What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
