We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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