My first STD was from a foam party
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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