I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
