Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
