Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
